We have a funny kid

So, I realized that when Tateum was around 2 years old, we needed to keep a list of off-the-wall and hilarious things that she says.  Feel free to add other Tateum quotes in the "comments" section.  We should have quite a collection by the time she's a teen:

"I POOP A LOT!" 

"You hurt me!" 

"Shake your booties, Mom!"  

Me: "What does a cat say?:
Tateum: "Meow."
Me: "What does a dog say?"
Tateum: "Arf, Arf!"
Me: "What does Daddy say?"
Tateum: (fart noise)


Tateum:  "BOOM FART!"
Me:  "Boom fart?"
Tateum: "Yeah."
Me: "What is that?"
Tateum:  "I pooted."


"WHERE'S MY DAMN SHOES?!" 


Matt: "I'm gonna drive your Mommy nuts!"
Tateum to me:  "Mommy, ya want nuts?  Ya like nuts?"


Tateum, randomly: "I need toys and a cat."


Me:  "What's your baby doll's name, Tateum?"
Tateum: "Um... Yoko."
Me (snickering): "Oh yeah?  Like Yoko Ono?"
Tateum: "Yeahhhh..."


Me: " I love you, Tateum."
Tateum:  "Awww!  Thanks!"


"Mom, you not a good singer.  Stop."


"Mommy, is Daddy gonna beat your ass?"


"Mom, something smells farty in here."


Me:  "You ready, Freddy?"
Tateum:  "I not Freddy.  I Tateum.  Freddie is 'noying."

3 YEARS OLD:


Tateum: "Mommy has a hoo-hoo, Daddy has a weenie, Cameron has a hoo-hoo, Aunt Hannah has a hoo-hoo, Grandma has a hoo-hoo..."
Matt:  "Well what about Uncle Luke?"
Tateum: "Uncle Luke has a hoo-hoo."


Me after Tateum hands me a plastic eggplant and tells me to eat it:  "Mmm, that was great!" (I hid it in my shirt)
Tateum:  "Mom!  Just 'tend to eat it! It's a toy!"

Tateum:  "My Mommy beats me all day."
Grandma Vanessa: "Yeah? Well, are you a bad girl?"
Tateum: "Yeah.  And my Daddy likes beer."
(I can see how her first day at kindergarten or preschool will play out)

"Cameron is pushin' my buttons!"

"Mom, I'm gonna eat these green beans, then yer gonna give me a doughnut."

I heard Tateum whisper this over the baby monitor during nap time: "Cameron, be quiet. Mommy will hear us. Let's play." (Cameron then laughs hysterically and loudly)

"Cookie Monster likes cookies, keggers, and Ramen noodles."

As Tateum decorates our dog Riley with bracelets: "Riley, you're a good custer."
Me: "You mean a good customer?"
Tateum: "uh, yeah--a good custer."

"Daddy, you got a duck in your butt." 

Me to Tateum about her ensemble: "That shirt is so cute."
Tateum: "Do you like it?"
Me: "Yes, I love it."
Tateum: "Well you're too big to wear it, Mom."


4YEARS OLD:

"When I get older I'm gonna spank little kids.  I'm gonna beat little kids when I get bigger."

"Me and Cameron are gonna go play outside and Mommy, yer gonna stay inside and do your homework."

"What's in those boobs, Mom?"

"Robots eat food, then they fart."

"Mom, who put that baby in your belly?"

"Don't even SAY kitties.  Daddy is 'lergic!"

Me: "I want a hug."
Tateum: "Well maybe Daddy will give you one."
Me: "I want you to hug me."
Tateum: (sighs) "Not right now.  I gave you a hug last night.  I'll give you a hug tomorrow."

To her Barbies: "WAKE UP, BITCHES!"

"I'm going to need more candy than that, Mom."

"Riley smells like fish and coin."

After looking at her dinner plate with lasagna on it: "...is this some kind of joke?"

Tateum: "Why is Daddy at work again?"
Me: "So he can bring home the bacon."
Tateum: "WE'RE OUT OF BACON?!"

Me: What the hell did the dogs throw up?!
Tateum: Ball hair.
Me: ...you mean a hairball?
Tateum: Probably not.


Tateum on My Little Ponies: "This dragon on here eats gems. It makes no sense"

"Mom, don't eat too much sugar. You'll get fat."

Tateum: "Why do you have to go to work, Daddy?"
Matt: "So I can buy you toys."
Tateum: "But I don't want toys..."
Matt: "Would you like it if Daddy just stayed home?"
Tateum: "No. You can still go to work. I just don't want any toys."

"Cameron has huge feet... and she will feast on your eyes."